Just so you know
I cant really bare seeing him alone all time. He needs me by his side , looking at his picture makes me happy. I love him alot. and I hope he loves me too. haha . Exams went super good and easy. wak-ever kan.
( I love Riduan Imran, my boyfriend )I'm starting to decide whether I've hit the downward spiral in my life or not yet. My friends are partying without me, and I'm having a hard time dealing because I'm still 16 and my mother has a hold over when I leave and where I go. 3 months til I'm 17 and I can't stand that shit. I miss my friends like no tomorrow...but I'm unsure of what I miss more, because I love getting messed&trashed and what not with them. The hit...the rush...the flow...the emotions....the thoughts. The booze, the drugs, the sex. How nothing else matters than those moments right there in that instant. How the future is so far away...with no pressure held on me. Maybe that's what it is. No pressure. I'm around friends, saying whatever I wanna say, doing whatever I feel like doing. And nothing appears to hold any consequences. Because the future is a distant star we'll worry about hitting later. This is my escape...every weekend or every other weekend, I leave home, get trashed, smashed, and blowed...enjoy it, then I go back to the harshness of reality and how I'm not ready to deal with everything life has in store for me. I have no effort to do anything to advance myself anywhere. All I wanna do is fly...be free...god why does life have to be this way. It lifts me where my dreams have always been.